The Words from My Dad That Rescued Us when I became a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was merely in survival mode for a year."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the difficulties of being a father.

Yet the truth rapidly turned out to be "very different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications during the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her chief support as well as taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every change… every stroll. The duty of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a chat with his parent, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You aren't in a good spot. You must get some help. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While society is now more accustomed to talking about the stress on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his difficulties are part of a wider reluctance to talk among men, who often internalise harmful notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and stays upright time and again."

"It is not a show of being weak to request help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men often don't want to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - particularly in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is equally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the chance to request a pause - taking a few days away, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a change to consider his and his partner's feelings alongside the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she needed" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan believes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotion and understand his decisions as a father.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "bad decisions" when younger to change how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as escapism from the pain.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you're feeling under pressure, speak to a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor how you're feeling. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Look after the physical stuff - a good diet, physical activity and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is faring.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - listening to their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of yourself is the most effective way you can support your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the passing, having been out of touch with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead provide the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they confronted their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my job is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."